Losing It

I had a rough night. And this morning, I lost my temper. I couldn't hold it any longer. I know should be patient when dealing with people, especially Mum but I couldn't hold myself from being upset. I got up very much earlier just so I can test Mum's blood glucose level before injecting her with insulin. Her blood sugar was high. 15.9. I asked Siti; grandma's maid if Mum had anything this morning. Mum lied. She had bread because she was hungry. I had specific instruction from Prof SP Chan to make sure she fast before injecting her with insulin. Out of anger, I think I spoke with an upset tone telling Mum from the next time onwards, I will wake up very early to make sure she is injected before she takes her breakfast.

In the kitchen, I prepared Mum's meal, alfafa sprouts with bread on olive oil spread. As I pull out every strand of the alfafa sprouts from the plastic container, I couldn't control my tears. I felt angry at myself. I felt angry that I am angry with Mum. I felt useless and bad. Siti noticed I was sniffling away trying to control myself from crying. She gingerly placed a box of tissues next to me. I told her to pass the bread to Mum and I walked quietly into the room. I let go. I cried. And I felt better but still feel bad. I am going to go out and apologise to Mum.